In reflecting on Mother’s Day, I recall a conversation I had a few years ago with a good friend of mine.
We had just finishing up lunch, when I casually made mention that I would see her at church on Sunday, to which she quickly refuted, “Oh no you won’t! I don’t do church on Mother’s Day.”
I shot her a puzzled look. And sitting back in her seat, she proceeded to tell me that Mother’s Day, for her, was just too painful.
In her own words:
“So much of the service is built around honoring the mothers within the church.
Upon arrival, each woman is warmly greeted with a, Happy Mother’s Day, by all who see her.
Gifts and flowers are passed around to all the moms as they flood the sanctuary.
It’s not uncommon for a lovely prayer to be offered up in their honor.
And sometimes a request is given for all the mother’s in the room to stand, in order to be applauded for their hard work and sacrifice.”
My friend continued to explain that while she recognizes that these things are not wrong, they can certainly be hurtful to a person whose association with the word, mother, is anything but pleasant.
You see, my friend didn’t have any children earth side, and the ones she did have, she aborted at the request of her husband, long before she came to know the Lord.
And her relationship with her own mother was practically nonexistent, having suffered through a horrible childhood distorted by drug & alcohol abuse, and a mother who all but abandoned her.
No Looking Back
That conversation single-handedly changed the way I approach Mother’s Day.
I no longer raffle off Mother’s Day greetings, as though they were going out of style.
Instead, I am careful to first pause- acknowledging that the person standing in front of me might be hurting on this highly-favored holiday. There are countless women who are.
- Women whose mothers have gone to be with the Lord.
- Women whose mothers might as well have, because the dementia has ravaged their mind.
- Women who have lost a child to an untimely death.
- Women who have miscarried- carrying their sweet babies in their heart, but never in their arms.
- Women whose daily companion is regret, due to an abortion they had years earlier.
- Women who have suffered long, torturous years of infertility, and whose arms remain empty still.
- Women who have the unfortunate task of parenting alone.
- Women whose child suffers from mental illness or has special needs.
- Women whose relationship with their child is anything but desirable.
- Women who desperately await the return of their own living prodigal.
My dear friend, Jenn, wrote a brilliant piece on the topic of the church and its responsibility to the barren woman.
Although her message is in specific relation to those who suffer from infertility, it certainly could apply to any woman who is grief-stricken.
I encourage you to give it a read.
Jenn so eloquently writes what this world so desperately needs to hear! I’m grateful for her.
Click to Grab this FREE 7 Day Devotional – HopeFULL: Walking Through Seasons of Suffering With HOPE
Me too, and What Now?
Although I can’t relate to every example I made reference to above. I do know what it is like to suffer through Mother’s Day after losing a child.
The first several years after our daughter’s death, this popular holiday suddenly took on a whole new potpourri of emotions.
To the mother who is grieving the loss of a child, regardless of whether or not she has other living children, Mother’s Day can prove to be excruciating.
A day once filled with anticipation and joy, is now met with dread and sorrow.
As the hands and feet of the Almighty, we would do well to approach this holiday with sensitivity and compassion.
Don’t get me wrong. We shouldn’t cease to celebrate Mother’s Day altogether.
Motherhood, after all, is by far one of the most beautiful, challenging, overwhelming, sacrificial, humbling, heart-wrenching, rewarding responsibilities we’re given! Mama’s deserve to be celebrated.
But perhaps there is a better way. A way where we can celebrate and honor our mother’s without diminishing from those who are hurting.
Here are a few ideas to get us started.
To the woman who has lost her own mother, (or close to it).
Why not send these dear ones a card in the mail to let them know that you remember, and are thinking of them on this day.
Perhaps invite them to brunch with your family.
If you have a friend who’s mother is in a care facility, why not offer to accompany her as she visits her mother there, and treat her to lunch afterwards.
If you’re aware of any family traditions that she and her mother shared, try to honor those traditions.
Attempt to fill the void with the gift of presence.
To the woman who has lost a child on earth
You’ll want to be sure to acknowledge her loss and the extent of grief she is most likely experiencing.
Send her some flowers with a handwritten letter expressing your sympathy, or give her a special gift- such as a Willow Tree Angel, or Seeds of Love, or perhaps a Remembrance Stone.
One of the best gifts you can give to these precious ones, is a picture of their child. Look through your picture albums and see if you can’t find one that maybe they don’t already have, and send it to them.
Or make a small scrapbook of all the pictures of their child you might have, and give it to her as a gift. This is guaranteed to mean more to these grieving mama’s than anything else.
To the woman who has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or abortion
Please don’t neglect these precious ones. These are the women who most often are overlooked. Let’s begin by changing that today.
A lovely card included with a gift basket delivered to their door would make for a special gift.
Or perhaps a wall plaque, like the ones found here.
If their child was given a name, and you happen to know it, be sure to include it in your card, or simply acknowledge it in their presence. This will bless her immensely.
Pay her a short visit. Ask her how she’s doing. Be a listening ear.
To the woman who silently suffers with infertility
A simple note or phone call letting her know that you’re thinking of her on this holiday would speak volumes.
Think of how she might be feeling- what would bring you comfort if in her shoes.
Maybe send her a collection of scripture promises that she can hold on to during this difficult season of hoping and waiting.
Acknowledge her mother-heart, even though she is without physical children.
Let her know you’re praying for her. Heck, why not actually pray with her in the moment!
To the single mother, and the mother whose child has special needs
These mama’s work especially HARD, and are given very little opportunity for self-care. There is probably nothing these women want more than to be pampered.
Get creative. Arrange for her to go on a weekend retreat. Or whisk her away for a pedicure and massage.
Treat her to lunch and a movie, or go get your hair done together.
Give her a whole day all to herself, while you offer to watch her child/children for a day.
Sneak over to her house early in the morning and surprise her with breakfast in bed.
Give her the gift of self-care. Trust me- she will thank you for it!
To the woman whose child is estranged, due to substance abuse, broken relationship, or other
The pain these women feel is similar to loss. Theirs is often a lonely journey, as people don’t always know how to best comfort them. But they need to know that we care.
Send a card with a prayer for their child included.
Bring them a bouquet of flowers as a way of acknowledging their “loss.”
Be present. Allow them to vent, if needed. Be a shoulder to cry on.
Try to avoid common platitudes, and simply listen and acknowledge their hurt.
In Conclusion
There are many ways that we can honor the grief-stricken woman on Mother’s Day. My hope is that these ideas will help to get your creative juices flowing.
I’m personally a big fan of hand-written notes!
Face to face visits have their place, as do personal phone calls, but hand-written letters are special in that they can be kept and held on to, long after the excitement of the holiday passes.
I’ve taken the time to create this lovely, Thinking of You, 4-pack bundle below, for your use.
Each card has a different scripture on it. Pick your favorite, write a thoughtful note on the back, and send it to someone who you know could use some extra care this Mother’s Day. Or use all four!
If no one comes to mind, ask the Lord! He is faithful to bring to memory anyone you may be missing.
This Mother’s Day let’s do our best to NOT neglect those who are hurting. May we be His hands and feet.
XOXO Rachel
Download & Print your FREE ‘Thinking of You’ cards today!
And now for our featured writer!
Meet Gretchen Fleming!
The Hope that Overcame My Need for Control
Quote love:
“I don’t need to be in control because God already is!”
“When I consider all the blessings in my life, I didn’t have a hand in ANY of them. They were ALL God-given- God-ordained.”
“Because God is mindful of us, we can rest assured that He is purposeful in EVERY aspect of our lives!”
~Gretchen Fleming
Gretchen’s post is a MUST-READ!! Whether or not you “feel” like you struggle with the need for control, I think it’s safe to assume we ALL have our moments!
Gretchen’s transparency is both humbling and inspiring.
She offers examples from her own life, intertwined with a power-punch of rich truth found in God’s Word!
You’ll not want to miss it!
To read Gretchen’s powerful message, visit her here. And don’t forget to show her some love while there! 🙂
Thank you for sharing with us this week, Gretchen! Feel free to grab the featured button here, if you like.
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Oh, Rachel–this is such a wonderful post, filled with meaningful suggestions that, if acted upon, will surely soften the grief that is felt by so many on Mother’s Day. I remember well the tender and PAINFUL emotions I felt on a particular Mother’s Day many years ago that occurred a few short weeks after my first miscarriage. I plan to share this post with many. Thank you for putting your thoughts on paper and sharing them with us!
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Rachel, thank you SO MUCH for this powerful post! You write with such sensitivity, compassion and grace on this topic that can bring such a wave of emotions. Thank you for your heart for all women, no matter what season of life they are in, or what painful road they may have walked. Thank you for openly sharing your story, and I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can also understand your friend’s struggle with Mother’s day church services. The pastors of our church try their best to celebrate mothers and also acknowledge the pain of those who may be grieving in our congregation. I recently learned of a woman from my community who lost an unborn child, and I was thinking of writing her a “Thinking of you” card this week! I will definitely print off your cards to use–they are absolutely beautiful, and these verses are perfect for those who may be grieving a painful loss. I am so glad I am next to you on Coffee for your Heart today! Your posts are always so powerful and speak to me in a profound way–blessings to you and your ministry!
Great reminders here. I used to say careless things to other women before I battled with secondary infertility. It changed everything about what I say, and how I say it. Then later I had the privilege to co-teach a Bible Study class of unmarried women in the 40s & 50s… one year, I was assigned the Mother’s Day lesson and it again changed how I thought about how the church treats this day. No normal lesson about the ‘wonders of being a mom’ worked in that class where most didn’t have children and had little prospect of ever giving birth. Struggling to pull together a message for them was difficult and forever made me realize the myriad of emotions that come with the subject of motherhood. thanks for sharing your experience too!
No question about it, this is a tough holiday for so many, and prompts all kinds of soul-searching. Thanks for helping us all along with that process, Rachel.
Blessings to you.
This is so beautiful, Rachel! I have multiple friends who are struggling to get pregnant, can’t get pregnant or who have little ones in heaven. This is a great reminder to be careful with my words and know how to encourage them!
Rachel, I’m glad you addressed the Mother’s Day issue. I think about it every single May. GOOD JOB. Now, why on earth did I not know you do a linkup? I’m parked next to you at Crystal Storms so I came over to read and share and saw the linkup. Thank you ma’am. xoxo You are forever the lady who loves turquoise!!!
it’s okay – you are packing moving boxes!!! rachel is adorable and has beautiful words.
Loved this post! I will be sharing and I hope you post with Grace & Truth tomorrow. This year will be hard for many people I love. You gave me some great ideas.
FYI – I get a an error when I click on your privacy policy
Thanks Maree! I appreciate you letting me know! (This thing is giving me a headache).
Praying for you as you comfort those you love this holiday! ((hugs))
I have to start in on it next week. Yikes!
I wanted to let you know I am featuring this post on Grace & Truth tomorrow. It spoke right to my heart and gave me some ideas on comforting those I love who are hurting this year.
Beautifully written! I definitely can relate to the women you write about. My mother was killed by a drunk driver 12 years ago, and I did not have my first child until I was 37. And even though I am in the “club” of motherhood, I still cringe during the Mother’s Day ceremonies when I look around and see women that are hurting because of how painful that day can be. Thank you so much for this thoughtful post.
I can remember the church services for Mother’s Day giving away hanging baskets, I used to help make corsages. It was oldest mother, youngest mother and the one with the most relatives present and so on, but little else.I think it would be nice to have a tea party or old ice cream social and let everyone celebrate their on way and talk to each other not just the minister asking people to stand and having someone take their flowers down. Only God knows the heart of the hurting and the depth of it.
Beautiful post, Rachel! As a mother of 8 children (3 in heaven and 5 on earth), I really appreciate your advice on how to minister to the woman suffering through miscarriage. It can be a very lonely pain. Because so many people are afraid of saying the wrong thing, they often times say nothing at all. It can be a great comfort to a mourning mother when others acknowledge their loss or remember their unborn baby by a thoughtful word or gift. Your “Thinking of you” cards are truly inspired and will be such a blessing to so many women this Mother’s Day. Thank you for your ministry!
Tara
(Sharing this thoughtful post to our fb)
shared and tweeted – is this on Insta? I’d love to do a repost – lovely and so very true – just printed my pretty cards – my neighbor is 30 and has her first baby – and lost her mom at 22 to cancer. she will get one! xxx
So sweet, friend. Oh, that we wouldn’t neglect mourning with those who mourn. Thank you for sharing these sweet reminders, and thank you also for sharing your sweet words of encouragement to me at #ChasingCommunity today. I’ve so enjoyed connecting with you; you’ve blessed my spirit, and I’m so thankful. And, I’ll look forward to linking up here at your linkup in the future! Blessed by you, friend. xoxo
Rachel, Thank you for your sensitivity towards women whose Mother’s Day may not be happy. I look forward to sharing this post on the weekend to encourage anyone who needs to hear these words. Blessings to you!
So much wisdom. You have give me some great ideas for reaching out to others who are hurting. I appreciate the time and thought you put into this. laurensparks.net
This subject is near to my heart and I appreciate the call to compassion. I’m still childless after 18 years and have had a huge struggle with my heart. It gets easier but fielding the questions and well meaning smiles is something I still avoid on Mother’s Day.
Rachel – I too had a similar conversation with a woman after my husband and I became senior pastors. Her story was a little different, but the pain was the same none-the-less. It made us rethink the way we did Mother’s Day and we honored ALL women – young and old not just those who were natural mothers. She still won’t come to church on Mother’s Day, but she did appreciate our trying to understand where she was coming from. Thanks for your post today and for hosting the linkup 0 I m a little behind in my comments this week and I wanted to make sure to stop back by 🙂
This is such a timely post! Mother’s Day changed for me when I became a stepmother, which put quite a different spin on the day and I struggled for a while – being at church with children who weren’t mine, but not with those who are! Did I still stand when the mums were asked to stand? Did my stepdaughter make ME a gift at Sunday School? Oh, the dilemmas!!!
Thanks for acknowledging that for many, many women, Mother’s Day is not the straightforward celebration that the world would have us believe! Bless you xx
What a wonderful post. Mother’s Day can be so hard for some. Thank you for your thoughtful suggestions. <3
I believe that Mother’s day is an opportunity to honor all best moms out there. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts. Everyone must celebrate this day to its fullest.
Wonderful, very helpful too.
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(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dream
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) HIV/AIDS CURE
(10) is the only answer to that your problem of winning the lottery
Contact him today on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com
I want to use this opportunity to tell everyone about Dr Kala who specialize in relationship problems and marriage issues. I was going through divorce when I met with Dr Kala and he helped me to stop my divorce and get my husband back to me. My husband filed for divorce because he saw another woman in his workplace and he said to me that he is no longer in love with me and decided to divorce me. I sought help online and I saw so many good testimonies about Dr Kala on how he help people to get their ex back and I contacted him and explained my problem to him and he cast a spell to put an end to my ongoing divorce case and get my husband back to me within 2 days and right now we are living happily together again. If you need his help Email him at kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853. His website is luckyspelltemple.wordpress.com
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