Is it really possible to love those who hurt you?
I tried not to let it bother me, but the truth is, it did.
It was recently brought to our attention that some not-so-nice things were being said about our family, by someone that we once called a friend.
It shouldn’t have surprised me. We had suspected that this was the case. Rumors have a way of making their way back to the person they’re targeting, after all. Yet being privy to this fact, didn’t make the arrow sting any less.
I tried to brush it off, pretending that I didn’t care. But that only went so far. Over the next few days, as the hurt sunk deep, my spirit became agitated- negatively affecting both my sleep and my thought life.
I called a friend to vent. It was good to be heard, supported and encouraged. But those feelings only lasted so long. I needed help. The kind of help that can only come from someone who has been in my shoes.
So I turned to Jesus.
Please understand that I’m in NO way comparing my plight with that of our Savior’s. Nothing comes remotely close to the suffering that He endured.
However, scripture tells us:
“Since He Himself has gone through suffering and testing, He is able to help us when we are being tested.” (Hebrews 2:18) NLT
“He was despised and rejected- a man of sorrows and acquainted with deepest grief.” (Isaiah 53:3) NLT
Knowing that Jesus is familiar with the same kind of trials that we face, helps me feel intimately connected to Him on a more personal level.
He knows how I feel, because He has been there. Furthermore, ONLY He alone has successfully responded to suffering and testing, with nothing less than love and grace.
If anyone could help me to do the same, it was Him.
When Hurt Runs Deep
Maybe you can relate?
Perhaps you too have been the subject of the local rumor mill.
Maybe you’ve been the brunt of a cruel joke, or the juicy topic around the office water cooler.
Perhaps you’ve been lied about, gossiped about, or treated with disdain.
Chances are, if you’ve lived long enough, you too have experienced the deep hurt that comes from being treated poorly by those around you. Sometimes those closest to you.
The good news is Jesus shows us a way to respond to the “unlovely” people in our lives, through His Word.
Let’s face it- we all have them. The question is, how will we respond to them? Will you choose to allow God to show you how to love those who hurt you?
How to Love the Unlovely
As I turned to the Lord in my desperate time of need, I gently heard him whisper, “Rachel, I have called you to love. Love does not discriminate. Love is all-inclusive. INCLUDING your enemies.”
Ouch!
Ironically, news of the hurtful words being spoken about our family, reached our ears shortly after I had prayerfully received my focus word for the year- love.
I guess I was about to get a lesson in love, right outta the gate!
As I considered further the command to love our enemies, I naturally turned to the Word of God for instruction. There, in the 6th chapter of the book of Luke, I discovered that God has given us a practical manual on how to love our enemies.
Perhaps you will find it helpful too!
1.Do Good.
“But to you who are willing to listen, I say love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.” (Luke 6:27)
In other words- treat others the same way we hope to be treated. This can be difficult to do, especially if we are being treated poorly.
Why would anyone want to do good to someone who has treated them unfairly? Well, simply put- because we are told to.
Our feelings don’t always have to match our actions- so long as we are obedient. I have found that God often changes my heart in the process.
It’s helpful to remember that the Lord alone is responsible for the outcome. As believer’s, we are simply called to obedience.
Prayer~ Lord, guide me. Show me how to do good to those whose treatment of me is less than stellar. Give me your strength to do the right thing, even if my heart doesn’t want to. And change me in the process. Help me to rise above, and show kindness, even if undeserved. Let me be an example of unconditional love. Amen.
2. Speak Blessing.
“Bless those who curse you.” (Luke 6:28)
The practice of speaking blessing over those who consistently curse you to others, can prove to be challenging, to say the least.
It’s hard to speak good of someone that you know is not doing the same for you, but with Jesus all things are possible.
Perhaps starting small is best. By choosing- moment by moment, as necessary- to refuse to speak negatively about another person, we are exemplifying Jesus to a watching world. And you’d better believe that the world IS watching!
Prayer~ Lord when someone lashes out at me with hateful and unkind words- whether to my face, or behind my back- help me to respond in love. Empower me, by your Holy Spirit, to speak blessing over those who curse me. Let me be reminded that your Word says, “the power of the tongue can bring death or life” (Proverbs 18:21), and give me the strength to speak words of life. Amen.
3. Pray for Them.
“Pray for those who hurt you.” (Luke 6:28)
Praying for our enemies is slightly different than blessing our enemies.
Blessing someone is done by publicly speaking exhortation to, or about, a particular individual.
Praying for someone is most often- but not restricted to– having a private conversation with God, about an individual.
A blessing bestows, whereas a prayer requests.
Praying for those who hurt us may be difficult at first, but when we continue in this practice- even if through gritted teeth initially– our prayers will eventually become sincere, and we will discover that we actually mean the prayers we pray!
Prayer~ Father, today I lift up ___ to you, and I ask that you would meet their every need. You know them far better than I ever will. You know what their greatest needs consist of, and you alone are able to meet that need. When the hurt in my heart rises, grant me the wisdom to see this person as you see them- with spiritual eyes- not earthly ones. And help me to forgive- whether or not they ever say they’re sorry- because you have always forgiven me. Amen.
4. Go Above and Beyond
“If someone slaps you on the cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt too.” (Luke 6:29)
Going above and beyond the norm does not come naturally to us. We have to choose to be the difference we want to see.
If we return evil with evil, rest assured the cycle of vengeance will fail to cease. A harsh word begets a harsh word.
Until someone makes a conscious choice to rise above the retaliation, the madness will continue.
The best way to put out a fire, is to stop feeding it. In other words- cease fire! Go the extra mile. Kill them with kindness. Refuse to give hatred the upper hand. Repay evil with love.
This is not passivity, rather it is an act of selflessness. A surrendering of your “right” for revenge.
Prayer~ Lord, help me to remember that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1). When everything inside of me wants to retaliate, give me the strength that I need, to refrain. Let me be an example of selfless love to those around me who are hard to love, by being willing to go above and beyond the norm, in the name of Jesus. Amen.
5. Without Expectation.
“Lend to them without expecting to be repaid.” (Luke 6:30)
To give without expectation of receiving something in return is an act of sacrificial love in its purest form. It says I am going to show you love even if you don’t deserve it. Even if you won’t return the favor.
Unconditional love gives without expecting anything in return.
Simple acts of love can go a long way. A smile, an thoughtful act, an unexpected compliment. Pray about how you might be able to show love to those who are demanding and unkind, without the expectation of reciprocation. It might be awkward and uncomfortable at first, but press on, warrior!
Prayer~ Father God, you have shown us how to love selflessly and unconditionally, through the sacrificial gift of your beloved son. Help me to love those who have hurt me- not because I expect to gain anything in return- but simply because this is how you have loved me. When it becomes too hard for me, fill me with your precious Holy Spirit, who gives freely without measure. Amen.
6. Be Compassionate.
“Be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.” (Luke 6:36)
Sometimes it helps to view our enemies as broken, human, hurting people in need of healing.
The dictionary describes compassion as having deep sympathy or sorrow for another who is stricken with misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Compassion goes beyond just feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is a strong desire to alleviate their pain. To remove the burden. To bring an end to the suffering.
Compassion motivates us to DO something. The Father’s compassion towards His children, compelled Him to send His one and only son to a hurting, dying world.
What might compassion be asking of YOU?
Prayer~ Lord, help me to love with abandon- recklessly, selflessly, obediently, unconditionally. Fill my heart with compassion. Remind me that very often when someone is behaving in a way that is unlovely, it’s usually the result of a festering wound, in need of a savior’s touch. Help me to be a voice of compassion, acceptance and love to a hurting world today. Compel me to SHOW compassion to those around me- including those who have hurt me. Amen.
How About You?
Have you had an opportunity to exercise God’s instruction to love those who hurt you recently?
Might He be compelling you to do so today?
I’d love for you to share your story in the comments below!
I was just talking to my sister about them something similar this morning. It’s certainly not always easy, but sometimes love (not sarcastic, petty love but genuine love and kindness) breaks down barriers.
Absolutely it can! Though not always, (unfortunately). I’m trying to learn how to walk in love without the need for reciprocation- which is really, REALLY hard to do!
Thanks for stopping by Brittany!
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Such a wonderful and refreshing post to read! Loving the “unlovely” is definitely a challenge. I feel like a pretty kind and loving person most of the time, but there’s definitely some people that really make it hard to love and show kindness to. As you said, God has the pieces worked out. He just asks us to l or others…even the “unlovely.”
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight. I really enjoyed reading this one. 🙂
Thanks so much for your kind thoughts, Brooke! It really can be a challenge sometimes. Definitely need God’s grace!
It helps me to remember that I can be pretty “unlovely” at times too. I certainly need the same amount of grace that the Lord wants me to extend to others.
Thanks for visiting!
You did it! (the link party, I mean – maybe put hashtag link party in your Thursday title each week to remind us.) Great job – and two other thursday’s bowed out so I’m glad you chose Thursday.(:
Hi Sue! Thanks for partying with me this morning! You’re such a great cheerleader. 🙂
I’ll definitely try to remember to use the hashtag each week!
Oh, this is so timely for me today, as I just asked a friend to pray for me concerning a hurt that resurfaced after years of being gone (or so I thought!) I am so glad that Jesus gives us the GRACE to walk through those hurtful times, and He truly does understand everything that we are feeling. He is that Great High Priest that we need so much!
Oh those nasty hurts- they can resurface at the most random, inconvenient, surprising times, can’t they? I suppose they keep us on our knees, at least! Ill be adding you to my prayer list this week too, Bettie. Healing, and comfort, and peace, in Jesus’ name! <3
I think about how Jesus loves us – the unlovely – because we are all at times.
Great words. Thanks for sharing and the link-up.
Yep! Absolutely true, Debbie! That will keep us humble, won’t it? 😉
Glad you stopped by!
To love like Jesus loves is challenging and takes great sacrifice. It is a love I definitely know I’m not capable of on my own. Only in his strength and by His grace. Great post!!
Nor am I capable on my own. None of us are. So glad that we can draw from Jesus’ abundant love!
I have a feeling this year is going to provide me with LOTS of opportunities to strengthen this muscle…pray for me!
Being judged, talked about disrespectfully can sure be hurtful. I know we can be bent toward justice, or at least I can be! But giving in receiving, and our hearts become soft when we love, rather than retaliate don’t they? Great post and tips. Thank you. Visiting from Christian Women Bloggers.
So, Lynn, what is Christan Women Bloggers – just went to your site and saw Faith Bloggers (and signed up ) just wondering. A christian woman blogger and bottle washer. sue
Sue- Lynn was referring to the Christian Women Bloggers Unite facebook group. Phew! That’s a mouthful! 🙂 (Similar to By His Grace)
Hi Lynn! I can totally relate to being bent towards justice! I am learning, (slowly), to lay that down. But it is hard sometimes.
So glad you visited today! Always nice to connect with new faces. 🙂
I’m sorry your family is suffering this way. That’s never fun. ((hug)) Love your point that Jesus knows what it’s like (and then some). He’s such a good model for us in every way, isn’t He? Great post, Rachel, thank you for sharing. — And, yay for the linkup. 🙂 I look forward to joining along. (I don’t have a regular post to link this week, just a giveaway/linkup post, but I’ll be sure to link with you soon.) xoxo
Hooray! I look forward to it, Brenda! And thank you for your sweet words. It means so much. <3
I have to admit this is where I fail the most, people don’t always reciprocate the Golden Rule. I have found the only way to love the unlovely is to have a strong love for someone lovely, and He who is altogether lovely. Topping off my day, yesterday was a telemarketer, an obvious con artist, call me stupid. It was hilarious.
All good – no, great! It’s our natural bent to be bent over when someone attacks or misunderstands. but we are in good company – Jesus, Paul, etc. Yes, do good. Bake a pie and send a kid over with it. No note. No explanation. And if they raise a question or an eyebrow, you say: God put you on my heart. Which is true. He did. (: (I have blueberries and cherries in my cupboard and would happily make it for you – but, I have my own enemies! (:)
Great post! I’m printing so I can spend more time meditating on these things. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Ruth! Good idea! I should make a graphic that I can return to often. 😉
Glad you stopped by today!
Saving this for future reference. Spot on. Thank you!
Thanks Bethany! 🙂
It is SO HARD to just love the mean people to want to hurt us. I know alot of them don’t even realize they are hurting us. But some people, I tell ya, its like they hurt us on purpose. Jesus asking me to pray for my enemies didn’t use to make sense to me. But when I start praying for the hurting person, I literally feel something release in my heart. Jesus knows what He is doing when He asks us to pray for our enemies. Our freedom is God’s heart for us. Blessings xoxo Donna
I am familiar with that release in my heart as I pray, too! Yes- freedom!
Glad you visited today, Donna! 🙂
Rachel, were you talking to me ? I can so relate to this timely message. Praying for them and speaking blessing is the hardest, but isn’t it exactly what the Lord did? He prayed to the Father to forgive those who crucified HIM.
I am so touched by this. The world will wound us with their words and actions. We are all flawed human beings. Yet praying for them releases us from the bondage.
Yes! Great insight, Diana! So glad you linked up today! 🙂
Wow! This post is incredibly good and I loved each and every point you touched on. Bottom line is love the unlovable and your title perfectly encapsulates all that you are saying here. It’s hard loving those who hurt us but we are called to anyway. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank you for your very kind words Natalie!
It is challenging, to say the least. I’m still working on it. And just when I think I’ve got it down- the Lord gives me more practice! Lol
Thanks for stopping in, AND for the feature! <3
Oh Rachel, yep, you must know how hard it is for me to speak a blessing to someone who has offended me purposely. I think this has to be the hardest one on the list for me and something I am working on daily. NOT speaking negatively about them to others is a start.. blessing and not cursing… thank you for writing this!
It is extremely hard! I don’t think you’re alone in this. It requires a constant dying to self. I can’t say that I’ve fully achieved this lofty goal yet. (Or even come close) But it is something that the Lord is driving in me BIGTIME! It. Is. So. Hard. I have to constantly remind myself that ALL things are possible with God! His strength- not mine.
Thank you for reading, Susan! <3
My daughter and I were just talking about this morning. It’s hard to turn the other cheek and pray for them but it really is the only thing that frees you from a root of bitterness. I reminded her He washed the feet of the one He knew would betray Him. That’s grace! Sorry you had a friend betray you like that!
Wow! I love how you put that, Esther! Jesus KNEW He would be betrayed, but He made a point to love (and show love) anyway! Who of us could do the same thing??
I love conversations with my children- so often when I’ teaching them a hard life lesson, I find that it convicts ME most!
Thanks for commenting! <3
Very well written and spot on, Rachel. I love how you saw how we should love from Luke 6. Excellent points for us to follow. While I am not going through such a trial right now, I’ve had my share in the past. I will be sharing this on my blog page as I feel everyone needs to read this so they can handle themselves rightly before God and their ‘enemies’.
Blessings to you,
Cindy
Thank you for the encouragement, Cindy! I appreciate your support. <3
Glad you came to visit today!
Well, I put down my computer and put off my blogging duties because I was upset about someone close to me who had not treated me well and when I picked my computer back up this is what I read! XO Thank you for the encouragement!!
Leah, LOVE how God does that! Glad it encouraged you today. Praying for you! <3
I’m excited for your new link-up. I just added your button to my blog. Thank you for hosting, Rachel!
Hooray!!! So happy to be connecting with you, Valerie! <3
Stumbling upon your blog and your party all at the same time — thanks for the comment over at my place that helped me to find you!
One of the prayers that I regularly bring to God for our pastor and his wife is that they would have grace to love the unlovely. It’s such a challenge in ministry to respond in love to those who . . . well, don’t seem to “deserve” our love.
Thanks for sharing your own testimony to God’s faithfulness in this.
Glad you’re here, Michele! That is a powerful prayer to pray over those in ministry! Pastors especially!
It really can be challenging at times, but with God ALL things are possible! Thanks for visiting 🙂
Our family experienced similar to yours, but what made it worse was that it happened within the church. Those wounds can run very deep. The verse I held on to was 1 Peter 2:23, “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.”
I also read in my daily devotion yesterday that we forget it is the Holy Spirit who convicts. Our job is to love people and pray while letting the Holy Spirit convict.
Thanks for sharing.
Yes and Amen! That’s a great verse to hold onto to, Karen. I’m sorry that happened to you. It is never easy when we are hurt by those we love. Especially those we expect to love us well, in return. Thank you for sharing your story. Many blessings to you. <3
That was cool. Really that was a learning post. Your tips was great. Thanks for posting dear.
Thank you Mary! I appreciate your thoughtful feedback. 🙂
I remember the moment some years ago when I really grasped the concept that Jesus understood what it meant to be rejected and so I could trust Him with my feelings too. It was revolutionary and allowed me to work through all those difficult feelings with One who knew it too. thanks for the post
That’s beautiful, Karen! It truly is a revolutionary concept. To know that He understands where we are, because He Himself has been there.
Thank you for stopping by today. <3
This was so good to read today. Yes, Jesus understands and is our perfect example, showing us how to love the unlovely. Thank you for sharing this at Grace and Truth last week. I would love to feature it tomorrow.
Thank you Dawn! It would be an honor. <3
Thank you for this vulnerable and truth-filled post. Last year my One Word was “delight” and it also included an obedience to do things God’s way amidst deep hurt and betrayal. I am a “fixer”, when I let my old nature take over and not still to heed the Spirit of God. Mercy is my major gifting too – so I want to stay to love and hug and help.
But, God took me on a very, very hard path, calling me to leave and sever ties – which as strange as it sounds was harder for me to accept. You see loving for me had always meant staying. But God took me to “as far as it depends on you” remain at peace. And when the other parties didn’t respond to Biblical peace making steps, I clearly heard God ask me to leave. My pride has never before been so crushed – but oh wow what it taught me about God’s love. His love is a love that pursues both holiness and compassion. I realized he pulled me out to protect me from falling into more sin, but also to uncover sin and lead me to repentance. As I learnt how to bring Him everything inside of me, He gave me SUCH a fervent heart of prayer for those I left behind. And kept feeding and still is feeding me Scriptures to pray over them. But to get to that place first took much confession of bitterness, unforgiveness and wounds I hadn’t allowed God to enter to heal. I am learning to love in a new way and am seeing the power of prayer in the gifting of mercy God has given me.
God’s love is so deep. We have so much to learn and grow into, don’t we?
Anna, you and I could probably swap stories, and they would appear very similar. EVERYTHING of what you wrote explains, to a tee, what I went through! I resonated with so much of what you said, right down to the scripture on peace.
The Lord also had our family leave and sever ties. This broke my heart. I didn’t understand it, (at the time), because I know God to be a God of reconciliation and triumph. We were willing to do the hard work of love; knowing that it would be a long and difficult road. I kept praying and praying for this, and we hung on as long as we could, until He made it VERY clear that He was calling us to step away. This felt like to defeat to me. Not triumph.
The hurtful and untrue words being spoken about us are hard to swallow. Time and time again, I have wanted to speak out- to defend our integrity- but time and time again, God has called me to be still, and lay it down. This is TREMENDOUSLY hard to do!
I also, had to walk through a period of healing from deep wounds, and deliverance from bitterness. And in that hard and lonely place, I came face to face with God’s redeeming grace in a way that I never had before!
His calling us to leave was His protection. And although it hurt, I now realize that He has since been pointing my feet in the direction of His desire, which I am now beginning to walk out.
It was a hard and painful lesson in love, but it has made me more compassionate and understanding towards others going through similar trials- to which there are MANY.
We do have much to learn about his profound love.
Thank you SO much for sharing with me! I am praying for you, as we walk separately down very familiar paths. ((hugs))
Rachel, what a powerful, timely message. While I know and teach these things, I’ve had a situation lately where it has been a huge challenge to walk them out. Thanks for your wise words!
I think there comes a point in all of our lives when the rubber meets the road, and we are challenged to actually practice what we preach. This was one of those times for me, as well. Thank you for your encouraging words, Donna. Praying for you! ((hugs))
Great advice. I have problems with 5. I am praying through this now. Thanks so much for linking up with us. Your post was most clicked last week..
Thanks Mary! Number five is a tough one, especially if we are being treated poorly. I appreciate you stopping by! 🙂
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Are you in need of help to get your ex back and stop your divorce? I urge you not to cry no more for Dr Kala is the solution to your problem. Dr Kala is a powerful love spell caster who helps in getting ex back and stop divorce. He helped me to get my ex husband back after separation. My Husband packed out to live with his mistress and he sent me divorce papers. I tried all I could to get him back but he refused to return home and I suspected the lady used some magic spell on him to hold him down. I got to know about Dr Kala in a youtube comment where i was looking for help to get my husband back and i contacted him and explain my problem to him and he did the work and my husband return back home after 2 days and he apologies for the pains he put me through and we are living happily together for good. Here is Dr Kala contact Email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853 if you need his help to get your ex back and stop divorce. I will continue sharing this testimony to every platform so that whoever needs to go get his/her ex back should contact Dr Kala and he will help you to get your ex back.
yes we need to love our enemies…Jesus is the perfect example! But Jesus also taught us boundaries and it’s ok to remove ourselves from a hurtful situation for our own safety.
Good work deserves good recommendation, I met a powerful spell caster who is 100% real and powerful. I was heartbroken when my wife left me and moved out of the house. I felt my life was over and my world was crumbling around me. I tried to be strong just for the kids but I could not control the pains that tormented my heart, my heart was filled with sorrow and pain because I was really in love with my wife. I have tried many options but she did not come back, until a friend directed me to Dr Kala, a powerful spell caster and I explained my problem to him and he helped me to get my wife back within 24hrs. Me and my wife are living happily together again, This man is powerful and if you have any problem with your marriage and relationship? Just tell him your situation and he will help you. If you are in need of help to get your love back, you can contact Dr Kala on email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853